A twitter follower Thomas Richardson (@HogHighlander) asked me what the inspiration behind Godhand as a character was today. I wanted to tweet it back, but then realized I can’t do that in 140 characters or less. So, I decided to write a short (or novella length, we’ll see) blog on it.
The inspiration for me started about 14 months ago, before I had written a single word of the story, before I even had a clue what the hell I would be writing. I was at my life’s lowest point. I was alone on another continent, in a country where I didn’t know the language (Ecuador). Funny, when you don’t understand the words being spoken, it all turns to background noise, almost like the rhythm of surf breaking against the beach. I needed that “quiet” in my life.
I was searching for something… it had been a year since my mother had committed suicide, my alcoholism was at an all-time high and my willingness to live was at an all-time low. I had lost a relationship, barely held on to my job, and put on around 150 pounds. I was fat, ugly, drunk, and depressed. I needed something… anything… so I decided to start writing.
I’d love to be able to say that there was some altruistic notion behind the creation of Godhand… would be thrilled to tell you that I wrote it to help others, but the truth is… I wrote it to help me.
I needed to write a character that was so flawed, so horrible, but somehow still had a good heart. I needed that character to go through unspeakable loss. Most importantly, I needed him to come out the other side of that loss, stronger and more sure of himself than ever. Why?
Because I felt like I didn’t do enough to save my mother… I felt like I watched her circle the drain until one day she just couldn’t take it anymore. I hated myself for that and didn’t think I’d ever recover. I couldn’t believe that I would ever regain my spirit, if I couldn’t see someone else do it first.
Even though Godhand is a fictional character, with every passing day as I would write more and see Godhand’s purpose in life unfolding and see him starting to forgive himself and grasp for redemption… That’s when I started to believe that I too could forgive myself and do the same.
That’s the important part of what inspired the character. His look, his attitude, I just wrote that shit to be cool…
I know I set out to create Godhand to help me… but I’m hoping Godhand can reach just one other person like he reached me… just one. My mom would have loved to known that I did that for someone, and that truly is the redemption I’m seeking.
Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this Thomas...I'm sure it wasn't the answer you were expecting, but it's the only answer there is.
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